Chapter Five - How You Act In the previous chapters of the Reintegration Action Plan (RAP) Workbook, we looked at physical and emotional reactions that are very common in returning service members. This chapter will assess some very common ways service members act upon returning home. Service members have had their actions and reactions turned to a military readiness mode while deployed. When at home, they often think that life will just get back to normal and are surprised when it doesn’t. Here are some common experiences. Check the ones that apply to you.

___ Driving like you did when you were deployed ___ Reaching to see if your weapon is nearby ___ Ducking when you hear a bang or other loud noise ___ Waking up with a start ___ Sleeping very lightly

___ Barking out orders to family or kids (trying to control your environment) ___ Being irritated with the way others are acting ___ Not stopping for red lights and/or stop signs while driving ___ Concerns about debris on the side of the road

List some of the ways you act that are carried over from your deployment. These carryovers from your deployment are things you can see in yourself. These are the things that you are dialing down from your military actions as you dial up your civilian actions. Remember that it is not like flipping a switch. It does not happen quickly. Increased Irritation - Fight, Flight, or Freeze When any person is confronted with danger, the mind and the body gear up either to fight the danger, flee the danger, or freeze. When the danger is gone, the mind and the body can remain ON ALERT FOR DANGER, geared up in that fight, flight, or freeze mode. Thus, a common response to highly stressful events can lead to impatience and irritability, especially if you are not getting enough sleep. Many veterans feel constantly angry and irritable. This agitation is a natural consequence of the chronic tension caused by always being on the lookout for something bad to happen. This can result in having difficulty falling or staying asleep because of a sense of danger and needing to remain alert, followed by feeling even more irritable due to lack of rest. Further, flashbacks of trauma/feeling helpless, chronic tension, and lack of sleep can all contribute to feeling irritable and weak. Anger toward those in the past who harmed or attempted to harm you may also contribute to irritability. Check the areas you experienced since your return home, and list additional experiences or behaviors that you’ve noticed involving irritability or agitation.

___ Easily startled ___ Concentration problems ___ Sleep problems ___ Constantly alert: Watching my perimeter ___ Easily upset or impatient

___ Irritability or anger ___ Not wanting to stop or slow down while driving ___ Racing thoughts ___ Road rage

These actions can help with anger control. ___ Learn relaxation techniques (deep breathing; imagine yourself in a safe and pleasant place; think of a word or phrase that fosters an inner sense of calm) ___ Take "time out" to cool down before you try to resolve a disagreement; it is okay to say, "Let’s talk about this later (be sure to specify a time)" ___ Learn what triggers you, and help those close to you to understand ___ Let others know what you want and need rather than always suppressing your resentment ___ Avoid "mind reading" and jumping to conclusions - don’t assume; ask! ___ Develop insight about your anger to help control it; when you get angry, ask yourself what may have caused you to feel insecure and defensive (See also Self Image [Page 32]). Avoidance No one wants to have flashbacks or to re-experience traumatic memories in other ways, so avoiding painful thoughts and feelings about the event is common. This can lead to numbing of emotions, where you find it difficult to have any feeling, including pleasant or loving feelings. This can also lead to forgetting some important aspect of a disturbing event, which may be triggered at a later time. To avoid painful thoughts and feelings, people sometimes may find themselves turning to alcohol, other drugs, overworking, overspending, or other potentially addictive behavior. Check the areas you experienced since your return home and add your suggestions that may involve ways where you could avoid having these thoughts, feelings, or memories. ___ Staying away from possible reminders (triggers) ___ Unable to experience positive emotions ___ Isolating yourself from being around others or in relationships ___ Avoiding thoughts and feelings (being spaced out) ___ Feeling numb ___ No energy, don’t care attitude ___ Problems remembering what happened ___ Avoiding bridges and/or overpasses while driving ___ Avoiding sexual contact or engaging in sex with multiple partners to avoid feelings ___ Drinking/using other drugs to relax, to sleep, or to avoid stressful thoughts and/or feelings ___ Staying much busier than usual ___ Overdoing in other ways ___ Engaging in high risk behavior Can you think of other things you do to avoid unwanted thoughts or feelings? Increased Alcohol and/or Drug Use/Gambling One of the areas that must be addressed is the use of alcohol and sometimes other drugs as a way to deal with unwanted feelings. This is called self-medicating. Alcohol and other drugs are used in this case to take away unwanted feelings, and for a short time it may work by masking those feelings and memories. You, however, have not dealt with them. If you continue to use getting high as a way to deal with your problems, you will soon find that you have added another problem that will lead to more chaos or trauma. It is important to take an honest look at your alcohol or other drug use as it relates to your return home. If you find that you are using alcohol or other drugs to deal with your feelings and/or memories of your military experience, you need to talk to someone about that. If people are telling you that your drinking is causing problems, you need to take that seriously. If you find it difficult to quit drinking or using drugs, you should talk to someone or seek treatment. These are signs that you may be developing an alcohol or other drug problem. These issues are common and very effectively treated, but if they go untreated, they will cause more serious problems. Appropriate treatment can help relieve the stress that alcohol or other drugs may actually cause to worsen, even though the alcohol/drugs may seem to help for a short while. Check areas you have experienced ___ Making excuses to drink or gamble ___ Making excuses to take drugs more often than prescribed ___ Drinking or gambling alone ___ Arranging daily activities around drinking or gambling ___ Episodes of anger or violence associated with drinking or gambling ___ Hostility or secretiveness when questioned about alcohol, drug use, or gambling ___ Change/neglect of physical appearance ___ Change/neglect of food intake under the influence How Do Others Experience You? To readjust your actions back to your civilian mode, you need to be knowledgeable of the ways you are acting that are hidden from your awareness. In this exercise, you are going to make a list of actions that others tell you about. Here is an example everyone experiences. Has this happened to you? You are sitting staring into space. Someone says, "What’s wrong?" and this brings you back to the present. This exercise is done in two ways. First, keep a list of things like the example above that people mention to you. Next, ask someone close to you whom you trust to point out the ways you are acting that may be carried over from your deployment. Write them down in the space provided below. Listed below are more examples. Check the ones you think you may experience or have already experienced.

___ "Spacing out" ___ Erratic movements ___ Pacing ___ Acting impulsively ___ Withdrawing from people or activities ___ Uncommunicative - won’t talk to people ___ Changes in speech patterns ___ Aimless walking ___ Inability to sit still

___ Increased conflicts in your relationship ___ Reduced closeness to people ___ Impaired work or school performance ___ Distrust ___ Feeling abandoned/rejected ___ Overprotective of loved ones or possessions ___ Being jumpy - startled at a loud noise ___ Driving too fast

These behaviors and reactions often arise from feelings within you. Others may not know what is going on inside, but they do notice that you are behaving differently. You may not even be aware of how you are acting until someone points it out to you. At first you may want to deny it, but if you take a closer look, you will realize that they are right. Develop a plan of action when you see this happening to you. Below is a list of things you can do that may help when you experience some of the above behaviors. Check some that might work for you. ___ Reach out to someone you trust ___ Write down what you are feeling ___ Take a deep breath ___ Orient yourself to where you are ___ Seek professional help or talk with a Doctor or Counselor (See Other Resources For Support [Page 48]. Action Plan on How You Act You have just completed the chapter on how you act. Now look over your work and spend some time developing your Action Plan. List things you would like to try, then keep adding new ones and/or crossing out ones you decide aren’t right for you.