Chapter Two - How You Feel Did you ever turn your feelings off? We all have, and during deployment it is often necessary purely for survival. In war, service members see and experience horrible things that we hope our friends and families never have to experience. For service members to get through this experience, we have to learn to turn off our feelings; otherwise, it would be impossible to get through. It is important to understand that this is a necessary action for the service member and may be the most difficult part of returning to civilian life that you will encounter. 
The following are the first signs you might have that your feelings are returning to normal: * Relief at being away from the conflict * Joy at seeing family and friends * Security of home and familiar surroundings Still, there will be a lot of work to do. Physical Feelings and Your Moods Emotional readjustment may take a long time and could require the most work. During war or other crisis situations, there is danger that surfaces in the environment, and you have learned to be wise and to pay constant attention to circumstances in order to avoid physical harm. You can’t be complacent about what is going on. You have been required to be on the alert at all times. Now that you are home, it will take some time for that constant alert status to go away. Feelings may rise to the surface long after the events that caused them. There are two important yet different characteristics of our feelings. These are (1) our physical feelings (or sensations) and (2) our emotional feelings (best described as our moods). It’s like a roller coaster ride. You may be up one minute feeling on top of the world, and down in the dumps the next! Physical sensations and moods are covered in this chapter. 
Physical Reactions to Stress We first may experience the physical signs of stress. The list below identifies some normal physical reactions that you may encounter. Check the ones you believe you may experience, or that you have already felt. |
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___ Muscle tension and pain
___ Fatigue ___ Fainting ___ Chills ___ Increased sweating ___ Thirst ___ Dizziness ___ Insomnia (can’t fall asleep) ___ Decreased appetite ___ Decreased interest in sex ___ Rapid heart rate |
___ Elevated blood pressure
___ Difficulty breathing ___ Headaches ___ Grinding of teeth ___ Gastrointestinal upset ___ Chest pains ___ Being easily startled; feeling "jittery," "jumpy," or unable to sleep ___ Difficulties in concentration and forgetfulness |
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Emotional Reactions
___ Constant attempts to avoid thoughts, feelings, people, places, or events that remind you of the experiences ___ Emotional numbness, where you find it difficult to have pleasant or loving feelings ___ Feeling easily angered or irritable ___ Difficulty trusting others to an extent where relationships may be affected ___ Overwhelming guilt and shame resulting in feelings of self-hate, hopelessness, or despair ___ Worry or anxiety ___ Irritability, frustration, anger When this happens and our body is overcome with any of these reactions, we can find ourselves feeling lost and turning to actions that will not help and can actually make things worse. The discipline taught while in combat to bring the body under control should be a good tool to use at this time. Here are a few of the DON’Ts to consider: * Don’t keep from associating with old and new FRIENDS. Social isolation eventually brings about loss of support, friendship, and closeness with other human beings which will, in all likelihood, cause depression and allow your fears to worsen. * Don’t avoid talking about what hurts. Communication is the best remedy for healing. * Don’t drop out of pleasurable or recreational activities. Keep as active as possible. * Don’t use anger to control others or keep them away. * Don’t try to avoid people, places, or thoughts that are reminders of the traumatic event. As you face your problems, you will gain victory over them. * Don’t work all the time (or be the "workaholic") trying to avoid distressing memories. * Don’t overdo in other ways (e.g., overspending, overeating, gambling, excessive video gaming, compulsive use of the internet, compulsive collecting, excessive smoking, etc.,) as a means of avoidance and trying to deal with stress. * Don’t use alcohol or other drugs to reduce anxiety or help you to relax, to stop thinking about the traumatic experience, or to go to sleep. As you master the Don’ts of life - and especially when having difficulty concentrating, here are some of the things "to do." * Slow down. Give yourself time to "focus" on what it is you need to learn or do. * Start to write things down. Making "to do" lists may be helpful. Keep a pocket calendar or a personal digital assistant (PDA) with you. * Break tasks down into small, doable "chunks." * Plan a realistic number of events or tasks for each day. Every success story begins with a plan! * Realize that you may have legitimate reasons to be depressed; many who are depressed have trouble concentrating. This is something you can discuss with your counselor, doctor, or someone close to you. 
You may find that you are having difficulty expressing or receiving positive experiences such as love, joy, humor, touch, and caring. Here are some tips to help you overcome this: * Remember that this is a common reaction to your experiences. Do not beat yourself up with guilt or get impatient. Things will improve. * Participate regularly in activities you enjoy or used to enjoy. Often these can rekindle feelings of pleasure. * Communicate caring to loved ones in little ways. Send a card/e-mail/text message, leave a small gift, or phone and say hello. Something as small as a smile may get you a smile in return and boost your spirits. * Express to someone your difficulty with talking about feelings or your discomfort accepting others’ expressions of caring. Below are listed the most common concerns that are expressed by service members and suggested ways to deal with these feelings as you develop your Action Plan. Fear and Anxiety Fear and anxiety are common emotions when faced with dangerous situations. Anxiety or tension may occur in certain places, at certain times of day, with particular smells or noises, or in any situation that reminds you of the events stored in your memory. Check the areas you have experienced since your return home, or add your own items to the following list. ___ Constant alertness or tension; an inability to relax ___ Anxiety when I recall what happened ___ Anxiety that seems to come out of the blue* ___ Unable to feel calm even in a safe place ___ Anxiety when I drive *Sometimes we encounter a reminder that triggers anxiety (or perhaps anger, sadness, or guilt) but fail to understand that something that is happening at that very moment has a connection to a traumatic memory of our past. We just react, then think we’re “crazy.” This is common and normal after traumatic events. Talking about it may help to identify where the anxiety or other emotion really is coming from. Though it may seem to come out of the blue, there’s always a reason. 
Grief Reactions 
Many events that occurred during your deployment may have involved loss. You may have suffered the loss of physical capacities, body parts, or appearance - perhaps the loss of a friend. Some may experience the loss of feeling a sense of safety, peace, or trust in others. Yet still, others may feel anger about having gone through hell - and then question what their sacrifices really accomplished. While on active duty, you may feel you weren’t treated properly or you might have witnessed disturbing/inappropriate behaviors by other service members. This only further contributes to a sense of loss or futility. Consider now what losses you may have suffered as a result of your deployment, and talk to someone about your concerns. Write them down and consider what feelings they arouse. (See Resource Directory (Page 48) for help you might need.)
Depression This is very common and can include feeling down, sad, hopeless, or in despair. Often these feelings can lead to thoughts of wishing for death or to actually harming or killing yourself (See Page 19 in Chapter Three - Re-experiencing Events.) Check the areas you experienced since your return home, and add your own items to the list. ___ Wishing I were dead ___ Thoughts of killing myself ___ Less interested in life, considering it a "wipe-out" ___ Less interested in the future ___ Not motivated anymore
Suicide Experiencing great loss, rejection, loneliness, or feeling very down on yourself sometimes can lead to thoughts of suicide. If in the past you were in a terrible situation that you could not escape and thought you wanted to die, or if you had thoughts of suicide as a means of escape, reminders of that unsafe and inescapable situation may trigger current suicidal thoughts, even in manageable situations. These suicidal thoughts could be flashbacks (parts of traumatic memories), even though you may attribute these thoughts to something in the present that is currently causing stress. If you have suicidal thoughts, call (800) 273-TALK (273-8255) 24/7 or talk to someone right away. Please remember: there are people waiting to help. Sudden Anxiety or Panic Attacks Signs of a panic attack: |
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____ Sudden, intense fear that seems to
come out of the blue ____ Shaking or trembling ____ Heart racing ____ Shortness of breath or a choking sensation (hyperventilating without realizing it can feel like a choking sensation, because the lungs have more than enough oxygen and need to use some of it up before breathing again) |
____ Dizziness
____ Feeling hot or cold ____ Sweating ____ Chest tightness/pain or other muscle tightness ____ "Butterflies" in the stomach ____ Feeling unreal ____ Fear of a heart attack ____ Fear of losing control |
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Panic attacks can seem to come out of nowhere. Usually, they are the result of one or both of the following common reasons. First, it could be that something reminded you of a disturbing or frightening experience from the past, but the past event causing your fear is not in your awareness at the moment the panic attack hits. A second common reason that triggers an episode is the suppression of anger when you feel threatened (anxious) by the potential consequences of expressing your anger. Instead of allowing yourself to feel and express the anger, you experience panic.
People who were hurt in situations where it was unsafe to express anger toward the person who caused them harm, may learn to keep anger suppressed most of the time. Anger can be suppressed for years when the harm was caused by (for example) an abusive relative. Later in life, if defenses are down due to stress or inadequate rest, it becomes more difficult to muster the extra energy required to keep the rage suppressed. Consequently, it comes to the surface and triggers anxiety. The anxiety could be about the anticipated reactions to anger, such as disapproval, rejection, abandonment, or retaliation. This often happens with people who fear rejection, seek approval, or tend to do too much to please others. Feeling dependent on others’ approval/support, or doing too much for others due to feeling guilty about saying "No" can lead to the growing, hidden resentment that eventually rises to the surface and leads to the panic attack. Some ways to help: * If you have concerns about your medical condition, see your doctor for a physical exam for your peace of mind and good health maintenance. * Remind yourself that the physical sensations are simply a "fight, flight, or freeze" reaction and are not dangerous. * Think positive/happy thoughts as opposed to fear-promoting thoughts |
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IF YOU THINK:
* I’m having a heart attack * I can’t stand this * I’m going crazy REMEMBER TO SAY: * This is just a panic attack and will soon be over. * I’ve handled this before and can handle it again. * There’s a reason for this happening, and I can figure it out later. * Panic attacks are treatable; I can talk to my counselor. |
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* Control your breathing: count slowly, steadily, from 1 to 5 on each breath, and breathe from your abdomen (so your stomach moves, not your chest) to avoid inhaling too much oxygen too quickly.
* Move around and distract yourself by going for a walk, getting a drink of water, or by watching a funny video or TV program. * Talk to a supportive person or imagine that person’s presence. * Learn to be assertive (not aggressive) and set boundaries. * Professional counseling can help. Anger 
You may find that you are expressing irritability, anger, and rage without just cause. Here is what you can do if you experience this (Also see Chapter Five [Page 24] - How You Act). * If you blow up at your family or friends, find time to talk with them as soon as you are able. Let them know how you feel and what you are doing to cope with your reactions. Remember, they are not in the military, and they are not trained to follow orders immediately and without question (See also Chapter Seven [Page 36] - Relationships). * Take a "time-out' to cool off or think things over. Walk away from the situation. * Use daily exercise as a friend. Exercise reduces body tension and helps release "tension" in a positive and productive way. * Remember that anger doesn’t help. It actually increases your stress and can cause health problems. * Talk to your counselor or doctor about your anger. Take a class in anger management. Actions You Can Take That May Help Below is a list of additional things you can do that may help when you experience some of the above feelings. Check some that might work for you. ___ Take a break from what you are doing ___ Call a friend ___ Visit a friend or relative ___ Talk to someone about what you are feeling ___ Take several deep breaths ___ Use relaxation techniques (if you have not yet learned these, some are recorded on tapes or CDs) ___ Stop what you are doing and focus your attention on your surroundings Action Plan on How You Feel In the space provided below, you are to develop your Action Plan. Use some of the suggestions found above, and think how you will actually do them.
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